carly simon

there's a song that was really popular a few (couple? i don't know) decades ago called "you're so vain." it's sung by a woman, to a guy. the premise is that the dude is so into himself that he probably thinks everything the singer does - including this song - is about him. the irony of it is that the song actually is about him. so "you're so vain; you probably think this song is about you [and it is, but i'll never admit it.]" over the years, the singer has dropped hints about the possible subject of the song: his name has an "e" in it. he's an entertainer. i may have dated him at some point.

thanks a lot, carly. really clears things up.

when i was in high school, i was in marching band. (i'll wait while you work through all the "one time at band camp" jokes.

ready? k. at the beginning of every show, the drum majors would do a salute. it was usually quite fancy and almost always ended with the DM (that's band nerd for "drum major") gesturing to the right, then the left, then with both arms at the same time, as if to say, "it's not about them (kids to my right), it's not about them (kids to my left), it's all about me." we always had a good laugh about how arrogant and self-centered the DMs must have been to do that. (to my high school drum majors: we never really thought that. promise.)

look, folks. i say all that to say this: this post is not about you, or you, or anyone you know. it may be tempting to think otherwise, but honestly, it's all about me. many of you know that i'm a bit of a traditionalist. i like to do things the way they've always been done. it brings some sense of order to the universe. that's (in part) why i love the idea of a guy going to a girl's dad to ask his permission to marry her. it's a sign of respect - for both the father and tradition. it's a sign of sincerity. it gives the [young] man a chance to express his love for this girl to the guy who loved her first. think about it: this man (the daddy) has raised this little girl from day one. she is his princess. there is nothing too good for her, nothing he wouldn't do for her, and nothing he wouldn't protect her from. this daddy's desire is that nothing bad ever happen to his baby girl. and that's beautiful.

let's shift for a second though, and think about the mommas. specifically, the boy mommas. please don't misunderstand, i know mommas have an incredible bond with their girls - if y'all know me, you know my momma is my bff. this is not to dismiss or dishonor that in any way. but think about the relationship a momma has with her boy(s). [and remember, i know that i speak not from experience, but observation.] there is something special about that momma-son bond, something akin to the daddy-daughter bond. she's probably the first girl's hand he held. the first lady he opened the door for. the one who taught him to help with the dishes and to take his hat off inside. the first girl he saw cry. for those reasons and others i propose to you the following: i think it would be really nice if women - young or a little more than young - would, upon proposal of marriage, take the time to tell their fiance's momma just what it is that makes this man so special. why is it that you can look at him and know that he's the one the Lord chose for you? why are you confident that this love will never grow old? how do you pray for him? how do you plan to care for him? what will you do when ish* gets real? why should i, as the momma, entrust you with my baby's heart?

there has been a guy (maybe two) that i was ready to settle down with. and let me tell you - i thought the absolute world of this guy (or guys). in a hot second i could have told you (or his momma, or anybody else) how wonderful he was, why he was so wonderful, and how i planned to honor him and that wonderfulness for the rest of my life. knowing this - knowing that i still feel this way - about myself with respect to guys it hasn't worked out with tells me that this is a conversation i'll want to have with the mother of my eventual groom. because he'll be awesomer than those who didn't make the cut, and honestly, i still would love to sit down with some of those mommas and thank them for their wonderful sons. (not all of those mommas. some of their boys turned out to be more frog than prince. but some of them are fantastic.)

y'all. i'm not trying to change the world with my silly little blog. i just think it'd be nice if we all understood each other a little better, and in the family realm, i feel like this may help.

y'all're gonna do whatever you want and whatever you think is right, and i'm good with that. thanks for hearing me out today. let me leave you with this: try to be patient with each other. try to understand each other. acknowledge that we all come from different places and that those places have shaped us in different ways.

thanks for reading this far. means a lot to me that y'all stick around. ♡ whit

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*"ish" is a partial anagram of a four-letter word you can't say in polite company.

thoughts for thursday

i didn't plan that alliteration. it just worked out. isn't that nice?

below is a list of my four thoughts today. (hush. it's early, and that's all the thoughts i've had time for.) also, please note how i couldn't whittle it down to three, proof positive that i would have made a terrible baptist preacher.

1. missed y'all.
2. i'm so glad it's almost friday.
3. this is gonna be short (for once).
4. jfk.

i guess that last one needs a bit more explanation. so here it is. i'm weirdly obsessed with the kennedys, this one in particular, but also a little bit bobby.

infer whatever you want about me from that.

for whatever reason, i woke up with the first 45 seconds of this speech on my brain. i'll transcribe my favorite part of it for my fellow southerners because i know that accent can be difficult to decipher, not to mention rough on y'all's ears.

"we choose to go to the moon...and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard."

say what you want about jack and his politics and his personal life - the guy could give a speech.

i have a whole motivational speech building in my head based on this speech right now, but i told y'all i'd keep it short, so i'll save it for another day.

choose to go to the moon, not because it is easy, but because it is hard.

"cherish" is the word i use to describe...

the internet is a wealth of information. (sorry, should i have started that with "breaking news!"?) it's also a wealth of folk wisdom and, necessarily, folk not-so-much-wisdom. now we're left to flesh out the good from the bad, the insightful from the ridiculous.

i read this - quote? meme? - i don't know what exactly it was - the other day. it said something to the effect of "people will notice when your behavior toward them changes but they won't notice what they did to precipitate that change." it was probably put more eloquently than that, but i don't remember it exactly, and i can't find the original post. i think the sentiment behind it is true, but the more i turn it over in my head, the less i agree with it. the second half, sure. but i would argue that most folks won't even notice when your behavior toward them changes. the first time that thought occurred to me, i thought, "well gosh. i need to work a little harder to make sure they notice that i changed and will figure out that it's because of them." (i should probably add here that i am, by nature, something of a passive-aggressive creature.) what follows is my own contribution to the folk "wisdom," and i'll leave you to decide whether or not it's, as i'm fond of saying, "the dumbest thing you ever heard." (disclaimer: it helps me to work through things with words, so please know, this is mostly for me. if it resonates with you, awesome. if  you disagree with me completely, that's okay too.)

my mother was once none to keen on this boy i was seeing. i was beyond smitten, but she was frustrated for the duration of our relationship because, according to her, he didn't cherish me. turns out she was right (y'all don't tell her i said that). it's been a hard-learned lesson, but i've finally come to realize that it's better to let the people who don't cherish you move on down the road - not just in romantic relationships (but certainly in romantic relationships).

if there's someone in your life who has quit treating you like the rockstar that you are, i imagine there's a good chance that you're going to want to dote on them a little less. but the key is, for me, anyway, that if you find yourself in this situation, that person has likely quit paying you much mind, if they ever paid you any to begin with. that person likely won't notice at all that your behavior has changed. and here's the punchline - that. is. okay. not everyone who comes into our lives will stay forever. it's entirely possible that this is a sign that it's time for this person to go. and again - that. is. okay. it's certainly not easy to let people leave your life before you're ready for them to go, but fortunately, you don't really have to let them. they'll just go. and you know what? that. is. okay. because remember, we're only in this situation because whoever this person is has forgotten that you're a rockstar. you're really not losing anything. and it probably won't be a one of those super-dramatic soap-opera friend-breakups. it'll probably happen slowly and quietly. it'll probably still hurt, though, but maybe we just call those growing pains and move on.

the truths to take out of all of this are these: 

1. if someone is (consistently) treating you less than awesomely, it's okay to let them go.
2. now's probably a good time to take an inventory of your relationships to make sure that you're taking care of the rockstars in your life. if not, they may just let you go.

life changes. often unexpectedly, and not always in the way you want it to. if you're surrounded by good people, it'll likely be a little easier. let's make an effort to love on each other a little extra this week and see if it doesn't do you a world of good.

♡whit

we now return to your regularly scheduled programming.

hello, lovlies.

i know the last couple weeks have been maybe a little heavy. thanks to all of you for bearing with me while i reset my parameters, so to speak. since y'all've all been so patient with me, i'm going to reward you with some talk about chicken.

stop making that face.

in case you didn't see, about a week ago, i begged y'all to feed me and made a joke about the monkees/the beatles/the dave clark five that i think was lost on everyone (i'm looking at you, mom). my wonderful sister-in-law sent me a recipe for pork tacos that i haven't gotten a chance to try yet (i haven't been to the store since aforementioned begging), but it did remind me of how much i love shredded chicken anything. - it's in the crockpot at home right now and i can't wait to leave this library in seven hours and get home and eat it all. it also reminded me how easy tacos are. yay for chicken and tacos and chicken tacos! - this is really similar to spicy chicken, but much more low-maintenance.

it went something like this:

1. start with boneless, skinless chicken breasts. or, if you're less lazy than i am, don't.
2. cut all the nasty parts off the chicken (while your housemate sits at the table and asks, "what on earth are you doing?") - save these for stock. you can be as lazy as i am and still do this (more on that later. are y'all keeping track of everything i say "more on that later" about? will you send me a list?).
3. cut the chicken into (approximately) 2-inch "squares." make the pieces smaller. i'm not sure why i did this. i was quite tired yesterday. i think i was thinking something about increased surface area for the marinade? this is probably not a necessary step.
4. mix the marinade. we eyeball this step, everyone. maybe that's why it never tastes the same. it's about 2 parts lime juice (i think fresh-squeezed is best, but i know we're busy people and it's not like limes just grow on tr---okay, so maybe they do. but i like to save my fresh limes for margaritas. it's just a marinade it'll be real hard to tell the difference. it's not like we're making a lemon meringue pie or anything.) to 1 part olive oil, a whole lot of fresh ground black pepper (if you think you have enough, go a little longer), some onion powder, garlic powder (or smashed cloves - whatever's in the pantry), just a little bit of salt, and a heaping handful of cumin. whisk it all together. - if you have some tequila on hand, throw a little of that in, too. we didn't have any, which speaks to bigger issues in my house right now.
5. pour the marinade over the chicken.
6. put the chicken in the fridge. i left it overnight, but i guess that's not entirely necessary. if  you choose a time-frame shorter than overnight, skip to step 9.
7. go to bed.
8. wake up.
9. put the chicken in the crock pot on low. if you're not studying for comprehensive exams/writing final papers, leave the chicken for 6-8 hours, and skip to step 11.
10. go to the library and cry for 8 hours. try to get some work done. in the words of a sweet friend of mine, "you. got. this." and just remember, by the time you get done with this, your chicken will be ready to eat - yummy yummy!
11. transfer chicken to a bowl because you don't want to scratch your crockpot. using two forks, shred it up. it'll fall apart.
12. wrap it up in a tortilla and go to town. add some cheese if you want. maybe salsa. avocado (not you, mom). good gracious, i'm hungry. just know that this chicken in a tortilla (from HEB, if you're blessed enough to live in the lone star state) will make you plenty happy. it certainly does me, and i don't even have the good tortillas.
13. sit down, fat and happy, and go back to writing your papers. (again, if you're not writing comps papers, you can skip this step.)

i also like to use this chicken for quesadillas and enchiladas and sometimes i get a little fancier with my tacos, but if y'all haven't heard, i'm writing comps papers and probably don't actually have time to be telling you about my chicken.

my nose is going right back in a book (or PDF, as the case may be). right this second. stop talking to me. you're distracting me. spanish spanish spanish. that's how it goes, right?

have a wonderful week, my dears!

♡whit

a new perspective

i’ve spent a large portion of the last few years thinking about how happy i’ll be when whatever-the-next-milestone-in-my-life-is happens. first it was graduating college. then it was getting a ”real” job (one that wasn’t in a restaurant). then it was getting into grad school. then graduating grad school. the one that’s been hanging over my head through it all is finding that right person and getting married and having babies. watching my friends (and exes) do it has been less than easy. but you know, it’s been alright, because it’s nice to look forward to things, and thirty is the new twenty and eighty is the new fifty.

but holy hell. i‘m getting really tired of waiting for everything to be perfect for me to be happy. so i’m not going to wait anymore. i’m just going to be happy. i’m going to do what i need to do for me to be happy and as long as it’s not detrimental to anyone else, to hell with what the rest of them think.

i’d be lying like a cheap rug if i said that the fact that i just lost a friend at the old age of 31 had nothing to do with this new perspective. obviously the two are related, but i don’t think that makes this any less valid.

i’m horrible at change and i’m horrible at things not going according to plan, so the fact that my life is not what i planned when i was ten years old is not a thing i enjoy. but as several people have reminded me over the last few weeks, my life to this point, although it may have run way far  away from the original plan, has not been a waste. my experiences and my stories and my successes and my failures - although i would gladly unlearn some of the lessons they’ve taught me - have made me who i am and have put me where i am. and although hindsight is 20/20 and if i had known what i know now i would have likely made some different decisions, in the majority of cases, i made the best decision i could at the time.

i am here now. i can’t undo things. there are no do-overs, just do-betters. so today i choose my own happiness. today i quit caring what that looks like to the rest of the world. today i quit caring about what i “ought” to do. today i quit worrying about when my life will happen and when all these other things will happen that will make me happy. today i choose to release all the ghosts of my past that have been dragging me down, always reminding me of the things that didn’t work out the way i wanted them to or thought they should or hoped they would. today i choose to embrace where i am. today i choose me, and today i choose to be happy.

the South is like Christmas. (or, the post to annoy all yankees)

weird title for march? maybe. humor me.

i love yankees. well, that's not entirely true. as a group, that great lakes vowel shift they do drives me batty. i'm fairly certain my ears start to bleed a little when i hear it. but there are some yankees (vowel shift or not) that i just love to pieces. my daddy, for example, and my sweet aunt loie (who i've decided is actually a southerner at heart - whether or not she knows it). there are lots of other yankees who hold a special place in my heart. if you're a yankee who reads this whole post, rest assured, you're on that list.

i follow country outfitter on facebook. it's allegedly a clothing ... company. or something. much more frequently than they post about clothes, they post things about country music, southern traditions, things your meemaw (or in my case, grannaw) taught you...not a lot of clothes. they seem to post the same things over. and over. and over. i'm not complaining. maybe i am a little. but that's not why i brought it up.

yesterday they posted (or i saw it for the first time yesterday) this little article entitled "25 Ways to Keep Southern Charm in Your Life No Matter Where You Live." y'all know how i feel about southern charm and southern traditions and how i'm a little bit losing my mind in this part of florida that should be more southern than it is. if i've said it once, i've said it a million times: i'm living in the north-florida (south-georgia) equivalent of austin. (if you don't get that analogy (metaphor?)...bless your heart.) in this article, they recommend things you can do in whatever part of the world your life has landed you in to have a little bit of dixie in your life. they're generally very good suggestions - keep a pitcher of sweet tea in the fridge, for instance. come on. that's just smart, southern or not. they suggest making one night a week "comfort food night" (i don't remember exactly what they call it) and have fried pork chops and greens and a stick of butter. also a great idea - okay, maybe not the butter part, but the rest. i would posit, though, that these are things that southerners do without having to be told. and we don't do it because we need some more south in our lives, we do it because it's part of who we are. something deep in our souls calls out for front porch swings and sweet tea and fried food. it's this thought that has motivated the thesis of today's post:

Southern is not a thing you do, it's who you are.

we say "y'all." a lot. but not because, as the article suggests, it's charming (although i think we can all agree that it is). we say it because how else would you possibly refer to a group of 2-5 people? and we say "all y'all" because how else would you refer to a group of 6 or more? we take it with us when we move to other parts of the country (occasionally by accident or against our will) because what else would we do? would you expect a bostonian to move down south and stop sounding like this? didn't think so.

i could continue and explain why i don´t quite agree with every single point of this post, but y'all are smart folks and i imagine you probably get it. which brings me back to the title. people always talk about the "Christmas spirit" - Christmas isn't about the presents or the date roll cookies or the wreaths we hang on our doors. it's about giving and being kind to people and that little kid who just wants to get shoes for his mom (i'm sorry. that was sneaky and terrible i shouldn't have done it.). i think being Southern is very much the same. sure, we're (by and large) a sweeter population than the rest of the country, and we're not afraid to tell you, but when we tell you, it's not because we need to brag on ourselves. it's because we want you to know that when you're in trouble, when you need someone to help you change your tire on the side of the road or jimmy the door on your car when you locked your keys inside or help you find your wallet when you lost it or offer you some sweet tea when you come over to help us fix something at our house, we're likely the ones to do it.

Southern isn't what we do. it's who we are.

y'all have a great weekend. ♡whit

help! i need somebody!

that title was specifically for my mother. she sure loves those monkees.

but really, y'all, i need some help. we (my roommate and i - we're like our own little family) are in the middle of what is, without a doubt, the most difficult season of our post-graduate careers to date - welcome to comps season! in ten short days, we'll have to turn in our final papers. you know. the ones that determine whether or not we get degrees. we are both losing our minds. or we've already lost them. i'm not entirely sure. we're tired and cranky and sleep-deprived and strung out on caffeine and on the verge of tears or hysterical laughter (or both) during every. single. second. but we're also ravenously hungry. in what is probably not the healthiest decision we could ever made, we've decided to eat our stress. the absolute junk we've been putting in our bodies the last couple weeks has got to stop. i can't speak for the roommate here, but it's making me feel like 

this is where y'all come in.

a couple years ago, i started "the crockpot chronicles." it was (i think?) a pretty big hit, at least for my little readership. what i'm asking (begging?) of y'all is this: we need food. to eat. that doesn't make us feel miserable. and that doesn't require, like, any time to prepare. i'm thinking crockpot recipes will be the best for this last qualification.

successful candidates will meet the following qualifications (i'm also in the middle of a job search; can you tell?):

- almost zero prep time. dump and go is key here.

- relatively inexpensive ingredients. did i mention we're grad students? bonus points if i already have it in my fridge - ha! if y'all saw the fridge, you'd know why that's funny.

- quality(ish) food. we're hoping for something a little more substantial than potatoes and cheese and pasta. although we are fans of all of those foods.

- yummy. i don't think i need to explain this to y'all.

these four criteria have been listed in order of importance. we're counting on y'all! i know they tell you at the zoo not to feed the animals, but please, please feed the grad students! comment with your favorite easy recipes or links to them - please, thanks, we promise to make you some cookies! (well, i'm the only one who promises that last part.)

at some point after this semester is over, i'll post about our favorite recipes from you sweet people. and hopefully, i'll be signing off with a couple letters behind my name. (but only for a little bit, i don't want to be that girl.)

oh - i almost forgot. i know that song's not by the monkees. y'all calm down. i'm a huge fan of the dave clark five. ;-)

♡whit