there's a song that was really popular a few (couple? i don't know) decades ago called "you're so vain." it's sung by a woman, to a guy. the premise is that the dude is so into himself that he probably thinks everything the singer does - including this song - is about him. the irony of it is that the song actually is about him. so "you're so vain; you probably think this song is about you [and it is, but i'll never admit it.]" over the years, the singer has dropped hints about the possible subject of the song: his name has an "e" in it. he's an entertainer. i may have dated him at some point.
thanks a lot, carly. really clears things up.
when i was in high school, i was in marching band. (i'll wait while you work through all the "one time at band camp" jokes.
ready? k.
at the beginning of every show, the drum majors would do a salute. it was usually quite fancy and almost always ended with the DM (that's band nerd for "drum major") gesturing to the right, then the left, then with both arms at the same time, as if to say, "it's not about them (kids to my right), it's not about them (kids to my left), it's all about me." we always had a good laugh about how arrogant and self-centered the DMs must have been to do that. (to my high school drum majors: we never really thought that. promise.)
look, folks. i say all that to say this: this post is not about you, or you, or anyone you know. it may be tempting to think otherwise, but honestly, it's all about me.
many of you know that i'm a bit of a traditionalist. i like to do things the way they've always been done. it brings some sense of order to the universe. that's (in part) why i love the idea of a guy going to a girl's dad to ask his permission to marry her. it's a sign of respect - for both the father and tradition. it's a sign of sincerity. it gives the [young] man a chance to express his love for this girl to the guy who loved her first. think about it: this man (the daddy) has raised this little girl from day one. she is his princess. there is nothing too good for her, nothing he wouldn't do for her, and nothing he wouldn't protect her from. this daddy's desire is that nothing bad ever happen to his baby girl. and that's beautiful.
let's shift for a second though, and think about the mommas. specifically, the boy mommas. please don't misunderstand, i know mommas have an incredible bond with their girls - if y'all know me, you know my momma is my bff. this is not to dismiss or dishonor that in any way. but think about the relationship a momma has with her boy(s). [and remember, i know that i speak not from experience, but observation.] there is something special about that momma-son bond, something akin to the daddy-daughter bond. she's probably the first girl's hand he held. the first lady he opened the door for. the one who taught him to help with the dishes and to take his hat off inside. the first girl he saw cry. for those reasons and others i propose to you the following: i think it would be really nice if women - young or a little more than young - would, upon proposal of marriage, take the time to tell their fiance's momma just what it is that makes this man so special. why is it that you can look at him and know that he's the one the Lord chose for you? why are you confident that this love will never grow old? how do you pray for him? how do you plan to care for him? what will you do when ish* gets real? why should i, as the momma, entrust you with my baby's heart?
there has been a guy (maybe two) that i was ready to settle down with. and let me tell you - i thought the absolute world of this guy (or guys). in a hot second i could have told you (or his momma, or anybody else) how wonderful he was, why he was so wonderful, and how i planned to honor him and that wonderfulness for the rest of my life. knowing this - knowing that i still feel this way - about myself with respect to guys it hasn't worked out with tells me that this is a conversation i'll want to have with the mother of my eventual groom. because he'll be awesomer than those who didn't make the cut, and honestly, i still would love to sit down with some of those mommas and thank them for their wonderful sons. (not all of those mommas. some of their boys turned out to be more frog than prince. but some of them are fantastic.)
y'all. i'm not trying to change the world with my silly little blog. i just think it'd be nice if we all understood each other a little better, and in the family realm, i feel like this may help.
y'all're gonna do whatever you want and whatever you think is right, and i'm good with that. thanks for hearing me out today. let me leave you with this: try to be patient with each other. try to understand each other. acknowledge that we all come from different places and that those places have shaped us in different ways.
thanks for reading this far. means a lot to me that y'all stick around.
♡ whit
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*"ish" is a partial anagram of a four-letter word you can't say in polite company.
